I’m a Marwari fellow, who’s always tried to do business. I wasn’t absorbed into any of the family ventures. Did a few things in my 20’s –
1. Opened an editing studio ( packed up in 15 months, was too young, work didn’t interest me, and had a horrible partner !),
2. Became a distributor for HLL for their personal care products (soaps, shampoos, toothpastes etc), again, wound up in 15 months. (pilferage, theft, lack of discipline on my part), Got fuckin dengue the same year as well !!
3. Worked at the stock exchange with an uncle. What they say is true – How do you make a crore at the markets ? You start with two.
4. My current business – engineering and contracting. The work interests me, times are tough, learnt some serious lessons on how people can be. Also learnt things about myself. Trusting to the point of stupidity, knowing things are spiraling out of hand, yet not having the balls to cut losses. I’m hoping to survive this phase, and know will do well.
During this entire journey, I felt invincible, till now. The business I am in, the stakes are high financially. It scared the pants off of me over the last 6 months. It actually came down to survival. Like basic survival.Can I lead the life I’ve led if things go wrong ?It’s bloody scary.
But these times have given me a calm as well. Made me understand and accept what I really want out of my life. This nadir that I have reached has actually made me more content. The fear has gone, because the worst has happened. I have nothing left to fear. I really wish i felt this earlier on in life.
Also, the rallying of people to support me has been emotionally overwhelming. Starting with my wife. My ego and pride took a beating first, once I was stripped of both ego and pride, I still had to manage affairs. I got a lot of support (not financially), which really made my selfworth go up. I in someway attributed my financial standing as a reason for my social acceptability at some level. God’s been kind to make me realise that’s not true.
There’s no purpose to this blog, except my own realisations. And having faith in the Mother and God, I know they’ll take care of me. As does my strong and beautiful wife, my pillar.
